This too shall pass

As a mother of three littles under three there are lots of hard days. Lots of people tell me just to remember "this too shall pass" and I had started making that my mantra in the extra hard moments. As I started to think about the phrase more and more I started saying it during the good moments too. It has changed my perspective. During the hard moments it is to remind me that the hard moments don't last forever and during the fun, easy, loving moments it is to remind me to soak it all in because it passes by all too quickly.

This Too Shall Pass

Having a fussy and crying baby in the night

Toddler screaming and wanting to fight

This too shall pass

Wearing spit up and 2 day old shirts

Grass stains on knees and fingers covered in dirt

This too shall pass

Snuggling and cuddling your babies to sleep

Playing with trucks that go beep! beep!

This too shall pass

Rocking your baby to sleep every night

A baby holding onto your shirt oh so tight

This too shall pass

Nursing, and changing, and nursing again

Watching your babies grow into young women and men

This too shall pass

Never going to the bathroom alone

Getting interrupted when you talk on the phone

This too shall pass

Going to playgrounds and swinging so high

Laying down and looking at clouds in the sky

This too shall pass
Baby fingers, gummy smiles, and sweet baby toes
Peekaboo, lullabies, and "I got your nose!"
This too shall pass

Through all of the years, no matter what you do
Just know that mommy will always love you
This will never pass

Adjusted Age versus Actual Age

I'm going to take a minute and discuss adjusted age versus actual age. N and B are two months old as of yesterday. However, they were born at 35 weeks. That means that for the first 5 weeks of their life they really should have been growing in my tummy still. It is amazing how babies grow and develop and whether they do it inside the belly or outside there is a pretty specific pattern that they follow. They start breathing at certain weeks and start learning to suck and swallow at certain weeks. Brain development happens in certain stages as well (look up Wonder Weeks, it is fascinating!)

Adjusted age takes in to account that your babies were born early. N and B are considered 2 months old, but developmentally they are barely at 1 month old. This is so hard because it is difficult not to look at other 2 month olds and worry that your babies are somehow behind and for others to not look at your babies and worry about them being behind. It is also difficult because for an extra 5 weeks you are stuck in the newborn phase of eating every 2 hours.

Yesterday I took N and B to the Dr. for their 2 month check up. Our pediatrician always gives you a checklist that lists everything your baby should be doing at that time. On our 2 month old check list I could only check 2 of the boxes and I knew we had barely even started doing those two things. Even though I knew from research and the NICU Drs that this would happen, it was so hard not to be concerned (especially when your firstborn hit all the milestones early). Luckily our pediatrician is awesome and told me that we would go by their adjusted age to look at where they were at developmentally and that they are right on track. Thankfully, our Dr. said that usually babies who are born early catch up by 1 or 2 years old. He used an example of how if I was to walk into a preschool and look at a class or 2 or 3 year olds more than likely I couldn't pick out who had been born early and who was right on time. It is just going to take some understanding and patience as they develop.

So if you look at my little preemie babies who were sent into this world earlier than they should have been and they seem a little behind the "normal" child, that's because they are. And that's okay. They had to spend some time learning to breath and eat. And they will grow and develop at the rate that is right for them and this momma will just have to be patient and try her best to not look or listen to those around her and what they are doing.

Life in the NICU

        Having a baby in the NICU has opened my eyes to a brand new world. A world of lights, tubes, procedures and medical terms no new mom should ever have to know. N and B were in the NICU 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks were some of the longest of my life. And we were very lucky that they didn't have to stay longer. Many babies are in the NICU for much longer depending on how early they were born.
         After N and B were born and taken to the NICU I didn't get to see them until 11:30 that night. I asked multiple times when I could go, but the rules are that you have to be able to stand so that you can get into the wheelchair. Waiting for my anesthesia to wear off seemed like an eternity. I would sit and try with all my might to get my toes to move only to not be able to. It took 8 hours to regain control of my feet and legs. The nurse had me stand and get in the wheelchair. I had just had a csection and standing felt like my insides might fall out but the thought of seeing my babies motivated me through the pain. We got to the NICU and washed up (a 2 minutes process) and then the Dr came and met with us. She was very personable and gave us lots of details about what was going on and answered our questions and concerns. It was so hard seeing my babies in there. Hooked up to tubes and ventilators and having IVS coming out of their arms and belly buttons. I was allowed to touch them, but couldn't hold them due to all of the breathing equipment.

         The next few days at the hospital were spent going down to see B and N during their touch times(times you can come and help with things like changing diapers, taking temperatures, and feeding them if they are taking bottles) and trying to recover and rest in our hospital room. E came and visited us every day. She was so concerned about me and about the boys. It was hard seeing her so upset that we were in the hospital but she did enjoy the flowers and balloons that she got from her brothers as well as a present that we gave to her from her brothers.

        Three days in the hospital and they started talking about discharging us. By us I mean me and David. The boys would have to stay. Leaving the hospital while they were still in there, so fragile and small, was so hard. I know that the nurses thought I was crazy because from the moment they told me I had to leave I think I cried every 5 minutes for the whole day. On our way out I couldn't do anything but swallow away the tears the best I could and know that this was the best place for them for now. It is incredibly hard leaving the hospital without your babies. Not only do you not want to, but as you leave and visit each day you see families smiling and taking their babies home, which is the second most thing you want in the world (the first thing being healthy babies).

        David got a week off of work so we went up to the hospital every day to visit and once he returned to work I was blessed with lots of family and friends who would pick me and up drive me to the hospital. At our hospital the NICU is at the end of the hall past the nursery. I always dreaded walking past the nursery. I know it seems like a silly thing, but I would always have to take deep breaths and will myself to hurry past. It is hard seeing healthy babies with smiling families looking in the nursery when your babies are struggling to breath on their own right down the hall.

       Slowly, but surely N and B began breathing better and eventually began breathing on their own. The dr told us next we had to work on getting them eating. When N and B were first born B was on a ventilator and having a much harder time than N. So I thought that N would come home first. But N decided he would be the difficult one on eating and they both timed it just right so that they got to come home together. The nurses joked that they thought they were purposefully trying to go home together because one would struggle one day and then the next one the other one would struggle. I was so thankful for that because I really didn't know how I was going to manage a 2 year old and new born at home with daily hospital visits to see the other baby. God worked it out though.

       When you leave the hospital with a baby that had no complications you just put your baby in a car seat and leave. Leaving with NICU babies are a whole other game. Before they could leave they had to eat a certain amount within a certain amount of time, had to maintain breathing levels, had to sit for 30 minutes in their car seat while maintaining breathing levels, have their bloodwork checked, keep their diaper numbers up (which are not only counted but weighed), and me and David had to take a CPR class and go show a nurse that we knew how to perform it. But the boys (and me and David) all passed our tests with flying colors. Well, except me, I did struggle with the CPR test. I did great at home and I spent a ton of time practicing, but doing it in front of a nurse I felt a lot of pressure because I wanted to be able to take my boys home, plus the reality of the fact that I had to even take a CPR test to bring them home made me super emotional. But I did pass it after I finally calmed down.

     The night before we took the boys home we did something called a "room in". We went to the hospital and for the first time got to roll our boys out of the NICU and to a room for us all to stay together for the night. They sprung the fact that we would be able to do a room in literally the day we could do it. David had work that day so I got everything ready for my parents and sister to stay the night with Em and I packed up everything for me, David, and the boys in case we got to bring them home. We stayed the night and a nurse came to check on the boys throughout the night. In the middle of the night they took them to do a check up with the dr. They did great so they told us that the next day we could go home after the NICU dr discharged them. The dr met with them that afternoon and we finally got to take our boys home. As we left the NICU our nurses and drs all congratulated us and I hugged their necks thanking them for taking care of my precious babies so well.

     Walking out of the NICU and outside of the hospital was such a happy feeling but also terrifying. The DRs had warned us that if they got sick they would end up back in the NICU and that coupled with mandatory CPR class had me a nervous wreck. I'm not going to lie, having babies in the NICU was so hard and emotional and I still get emotional just thinking about it. Unless you've ever had a baby in the NICU I just don't think it is possible to understand what it is like. I know I didn't prior to this. But I know that God had us experience this for a reason and I am so thankful that my boys are home and healthy.

Birth Day Story

Well, I had planned on writing an update at 35 weeks but apparently the twins had different plans. But first, since I never got a chance to post a 35 week picture, here is my belly 3 days before 35 weeks.

Birth Day Story:

I wrote this down 2 weeks ago but I have been hesitant to share it. It isn't a "fun" birth story so I wasn't really sure I wanted to show it to the world or not. But whether it is a fun and happy birth story it is Brayden and Nolan's birth story and just the fact that they were born and are now healthy and thriving babies makes everything worth it and makes it a happy story for me. So here you go...

 I hit 35 weeks on Friday, April 29th. I had been very uncomfortable for the past week or two (like sleeping on the recliner and feeling like my ribs and back might break from it all uncomfortable). Everyone kept telling me that I could have them any day, which was somewhat annoying to me because 1) I was uncomfortable and felt like they were never going to be born, 2)because I wanted them to grow longer to get bigger/healthier and 3)because I didn't feel ready to be a momma to 3 littles ones 2 and under yet (don't worry if you said it I'm not mad, it was just pregnancy hormones). I had been having Braxton Hicks and real contractions on and off for over a week, but nothing that didn't stop within an hour or two and some rest and water.

On Saturday morning we went over the David's parents house to let Emery play and for lunch. My MIL fixed us a nice lunch of chili and toast and fresh squeezed juice. I noticed I wasn't super hungry, which wasn't usually the case, but I figured my stomach had just run out of room. While at their house I noticed one or two contractions, nothing super strong, but they were uncomfortable. On the way home I mentioned them to David and told him I was going to lay down and drink some water at home. The drive from their house to ours is about 30 to 40 minutes. While in the car I started having more and more contractions. By the time we were halfway home I timed them and they were every 7 minutes. My dr had told me not to come in unless they were every 5 to 10 minutes for over an hour and so I wasn't overly concerned but told David I would finish packing my bag when I got home to be safe.

As we turned onto the road in front of our neighborhood I felt one of the babies move and as he moved I had the most intense pain I have ever had in my life in my side and back. The pain was so bad that I immediately turned clammy and felt like I might black out. I turned the the AC on full blast and I thought it could just be a really bad contraction but then the pain never went away. I told David we needed to go on to the hospital because my Dr had mentioned that with twins I was at a higher risk of a ruptured uterus or a placenta tear. Poor Emery was in the car with us so I spent the rest of the ride trying not to show that I was in pain and telling her how much I loved her and that I thought her brothers were going to come meet her soon. I don't remember much of the rest of drive to the hospital except that David got us there very fast!

At the hospital they got me checked in and hooked me up to the monitors. The first thing we checked was if the boys were in distress and they weren't so I calmed down a little bit at that point. The nurses checked to see how much I was dialated and I was at a 2. The nurses were very concerned about my back/side pain and they had an ultrasound done. The Dr didn't see any tears in the placenta or the uterus (Praise the Lord!) but did see that both of the boys were breech with their heads together on that side. His best guess with my symptoms and location of pain was that the boys were cutting off the blood supply to my right kidney. My contractions were coming very steady, strong, and closer together and the Dr was on her way so we had a little bit of wait time. My sister went to my house to pack my hospital bag and my mom came to check on me. I don't remember how long it was exactly but I believe it was close to 3 hours I was in the labor and delivery room. During that time I kept having contractions every 3 to 4 minutes and was in really bad pain, mostly in my back and side. The weird thing is that the pain in my back and side was so bad it took my mind off of the contractions. Poor David had to spend almost an hour holding pressure on my back and side to help it feel a little better.

My Dr was not on call but Dr McGowen from our office was and she came in. She checked my cervix and it was very thin and dialted to a 4. After seeing my pain and the contractions and doing another ultrasound to double check that there wasn't a more serious problem she told me that we needed to do a csection. From there, things went very quickly. I got antibiotics and prepped for surgery. I met with the anesthesiologist who helped put my mind more at ease and we joked around about my chili lunch and that he would probably end up seeing it on the operating table (which he didn't because he loaded me up with different nausea meds). I was taken to the OR room met some of the other nurses and drs present (there were probably about 10 people in there in all) and prepped while David waited outside. The spinal was put in and for the first time in the last 4 hours my side finally stopped hurting. David was brought in and they started very quickly. I heard her break the water of the first baby and they told David he could stand up and look at him. They took Nolan over to his nurses and incubators and they started trying to get to Brayden who was way up in my rib cage (his favorite hang out spot for the past few weeks). I heard them break the water for Brayden and the dr told me he was still sound asleep and then he was taken over to his nurse team. Both babies scored very low on their APGAR tests (I believe they both scored a 1 then a 4). Nolan was wheeled by me for a split second and then David went with him to the NICU. The only glimpse of Brayden I got to see was him being wheeled out with a nurse giving him oxygen. He wasn't breathing on his own and had to go straight to the NICU to be put on a ventilator. I was worried but apparently the medicine the anesthesiologist gave me made me very relaxed and sleepy because I felt upset and worried but also weirdly calm until the medicine wore off.

I was taken to a recovery room and then later my regular hospital room. I kept asking to see Nolan and Brayden but had to wait until my anesthesia wore off and I could stand on my own. So at 11:30 that night I finally got to go down to the NICU and see both of them. They were so little and had wires and lights and tubes everywhere. It was so hard to see my babies like that. Brayden was on a ventilator and Nolan on a CPAP machine, but the doctors felt like overall they were doing well and that they just needed help breathing for now.

It is amazing to me how the second you see your baby a fierce love grows. It catches me unexpectedly every time. With Emery it was the moment they laid her on my stomach and I said her name and she looked at me with her big blue eyes. With the boys it was the first time I got to lay eyes on them, their eyes closed and getting help breathing, but that love still grew. While pregnant I seriously wondered how I would ever love any other child (or children in this case) as much as I loved her. I wondered if my love for her would have to diminish in order to love the boys. Or would my love for them be less because so much of my heart was Emery's. God has designed us mothers in an amazing way though. It is like a new part of our heart grows for each child. Seeing them my heart grew and leaving them down in the NICU while I had to return to my room my heart hurt.

Brayden and Nolan's birth story is nothing like I had planned. When imagining how I wanted the day to go I had hoped it would be somewhat close to Emery's story. Easy. Exciting in a good way. Ending in baby snuggles and taking home my babies when I left. I struggle with the fact that their story is so hard and scary. But I have decided that I will try to make my memories be of the good moments. The first time I got to see my babies. The first time I held Nolan. The first time I got to feed them a bottle of pumped milk and change their diapers. Holding Brayden and Nolan together for the first time on Mother's Day.  How much we celebrated each small step forward and prayed hard on each step back. How kind and thoughtful and helpful our nurses and friends/family have been. And in the end I got to bring home my healthy babies and God used this experience to teach me many lessons about love and surrendering to His plan, even when it is much different than my own.

30/31 Week Update

 This blog will be for 30 and 31 weeks. My maternity pictures were done at 30 weeks by the wonderful Twila Allen. So all the pictures will be from 30 weeks. I am currently 31 weeks and just had a drs appointment so the information on how I'm feeling and how the twins are doing will be current. Below are a few of my favorite maternity photos. I just love them. When you feel huge and pregnant it is nice when someone can capture it in a pretty way ;-) Again, all the photos were done by Twila Allen photography. You can find her site here: http://www.twilasphotography.com/

Ok for the 31 week update:
 How Nolan and Brayden are doing:  I went to the Dr on Monday and had our biweekly ultrasound to check the boys' growth. When the ultrasound technician pulled up the screen all I could see was arms and legs everywhere. I swear it looked like there were 4 babies in there. Even the technician was having a hard time at first figuring out how they were laying and who's legs where who's. Luckily she is an awesome technician(she has done almost all my ultrasounds this time and did my ultrasounds with E) and was able to figure it out pretty quickly. Unfortunately, the way they were laying made it hard to measure how big Baby A was so she did the best she could but said that he might be a little bigger than what we actually measured. Baby A was measuring 3lbs 15 ozs and Baby B (or big boy B as we will call him ;-) was measuring 4lbs 9ozs. E was 8lbs 6ozs when she born so I am officially carrying more baby than I was at 40 weeks pregnant. Which will explain this next part....
How I am feeling: HUGE and UNCOMFORTABLE. Lol. Really, I feel as good as one can possibly feel carrying this much baby around. I haven't had any more complications, my blood pressure is good, I have semi ok energy(as long as I make sure to rest during E's naps) and I am still sleeping somewhat ok as long as I have my 5 pillows and 3 blankets to help get me comfortable. (I'm not exaggerating...I LITERALLY use 5 pillows(one being a pregnancy pillow) and 3 blankets (I usually get rid of one in the middle of the night when I start getting too hot) I do get Braxton Hicks a lot. Almost every day I have a spell of them. Sometimes I'm not sure if they are really contractions or not so that has caused some stress and worry but my Dr. said just to drink water and lie down and then to worry if they won't go away or are evenly spaced. The thing that seems to bring on the most Braxton hicks is not eating/drinking enough throughout the day and over doing it because I think to myself "oh I'm only 31 weeks I can still ____(fill in the blank with random housework items or just being on my feet active all day)"
Overall I am so thankful for a healthy pregnancy and that the boys are growing well and staying put for now. I am also thankful that E is such a great girl who is ok if mommy and her sit and read books to let mommy rest and still takes her naps pretty much every day. She is so laid back and I am truly thankful for her sweet, kind, loving self.  I am also very thankful for the friends and family that have come and cleaned my house or brought me lunch or brunch, it is completely unexpected, always means so much and I feel so blessed to have people who will help me in ways that they know are helpful and/or important to me.

27 Week update!

Well as of Friday I am officially 27 weeks. The last few weeks have been going very well. At 24 weeks I had a small incident of contractions and the Dr did a fetal fibronectin test. This test is to tell you if you have a chance of preterm labor or not. A negative test means that you won't go into the labor in the next 2/3 weeks and a positive test means that there is a chance you could go into preterm labor in the next 2/3 weeks. My test came back positive, which of course was scary, but my Dr. assured me the chances were low. She just said that we would need to be extra careful the rest of the pregnancy to monitor for contractions or preterm labor symptoms. Luckily, it has been about 3 weeks since the test and I haven't had anymore contractions (thank you Lord for answered prayers)! I am not on bedrest as my Dr. doesn't like to do bedrest unless absolutely necessary. I am very thankful for this because I would probably go CRAZY on bedrest and I really want to keep things as normal as possible for Emery. Due to my contractions and positive test, I wasn't able to travel down to Alabama for my shower that my family was throwing for me. I was really sad about not being able to go, but luckily my family is awesome and they all traveled up here and threw us a shower. We had such a great time! I have another shower coming up in April which I am excited about too!

How I've been feeling: Good, but big and emotional.. lol! I am already the size I was at about 36 weeks with Emery, which I should be since I am currently carrying about 4 lbs or a little more of baby! The last ultrasound (2 weeks ago) the babies were a little under 2 lbs each. I've been emotional because it is frustrating to me that I can not do everything I was doing before (I'm not on bedrest but there are certain household chores and things that I am not suppose to do) and it is hard nesting and not being able to mop my floors (I know, I am weird). haha!  Plus on top of all of that Emery turns 2 next weekend and I just can't believe how big of a girl she has become. Those things coupled with knowing that soon it won't be just me and Emery makes me a big emotional mess some days, but I have been doing better the last few days with it.

What Emery thinks: Emery still occasionally talks or sings songs to my belly. She is fascinated by my belly button, which is almost an outie. She keeps pressing on it and laughing. She knows that I can't pick her up as much as I did before but has truly been wonderful and understanding of "momma's back hurting". Sometimes she will grab her back and say "my back hurting". I am guessing it is from seeing me do it. Another funny thing she did last week was while we were eating supper. I asked her if she would like more to eat or if she was all done. She looked at me then looked at my belly, pushed her stomach out as far as it would go and said "I all full" patting her belly. She is at such a fun age and I can't wait to see what she is like with the boys.

Cravings: I was craving steak or hamburgers for a while and learned that I am anemic. Once starting my extra iron supplements those cravings went away. While taking iron I am not suppose to eat dairy within a few hours of taking the pills so that it can absorb better, so of course, I started craving ice cream. I like ice cream, but have never craved it with either pregnancy until now. Go figure it would be when I can't have it as much. ;-) I still love cereal and apples with p.b. and I still eat either toast or a bagel with p.b. for breakfast  many days. I also have added in oatmeal as a go to breakfast food.

The goal for these babies is to make it to May before delivery. If I make it all the way to May I will be at about 36 weeks which will be a much safer and healthier for everyone so please just pray that they will stay in there until then and that we won't have any other complications. Thank you!

23 weeks update!

And BOOM! just like that I'm 23 weeks. I missed my picture at 22 weeks thanks to a local restaurant giving me and David food poisoning. You DO NOT want the details, but needless to say pictures were out of the question that week. Here is a comparison picture of me at 20 weeks. Am I the only one who thinks it looks like I added a whole extra baby in those 2 weeks? I promise it is still just twins.

     The past few weeks have been busy and for some reason the second I hit 22 weeks I started panicking. Probably because David said, "Oh wow, the furthest the dr will let you go is 16 more weeks". That comment right there kept me awake for hours thinking of everything we still need to get done. Luckily, we still have close to 16 weeks (praying they stay in there cooking for at least close to that long)

     So we've been working like crazy to start getting things ready. We have found a lot of used baby items and have had so many sweet friends give us things that they are no longer using! We bought a matching crib and have it up and in the room and we have moved the changing table in there as well. E is still in the other crib, but we will be moving her soon. E turns 2 in just a few weeks, which has made me even more emotional than the usual level of pregnancy emotions I carry around so be careful what you say around me. I could go off on, cry, or laugh at any moment. ;-)

    

    

Pregnancy Update: 1/2 Way!

Today I am 19 weeks. According to my Dr., that means I am half way to the furthest point we will allow these twins to go. The goal is to make it as close to 38 weeks as possible but she said we will not go past 38 weeks. It is truly amazing how fast the time is flying by this pregnancy. I guess when you are chasing around a toddler you lose track of time. It feels like just last week I was bringing my baby girl home and now I'm 19 weeks or less to bringing home 2 baby boys. I wanted to post a quick update and just talk about how this pregnancy has been different from my last (besides the obvious fact that there are 2 babies in there instead of one) and answer a few questions I often get from people.

(This photo is from 18 weeks. The left is current and the right one is from my last pregnancy. I did not look at the old picture when I made the new one, so apparently at 18 weeks is when my appetite really kicks in LOL )

Food cravings/aversions: I love eating fruit and cereal like last time. One new craving is that I love buffalo wing flavored things (I may have ate Buffalo Chicken Dip for lunch, but don't worry, I ate a salad and 2 mandarin oranges too) The only down side is that spicy food immediately gives me heartburn. As far as food aversions go I can NOT eat sweet potatoes for the life of me even though I usually love them. I also can't stand biting into onion chunks even if they are cooked. But for some reason on a sandwich red onion is ok. It is weird I know...but I really have no control over it.

Morning sickness: This has been the biggest difference between the 2 pregnancies. With E I felt sick off and on until about 15 or 16 weeks and if I ate something I usually felt better. My sickness would also get better as the day went on. This pregnancy, I started feeling sick within a week of finding out I was pregnant (which should have clued me in that it could be twins). The Dr. put me on Diclegis at night and that helped but didn't take it away. I also felt sick all day every day and it seemed to get worse as the day went on instead of better. Luckily, I am THRILLED to say that at around 17 weeks I was able to come off of the nausea meds and even though I have had a few short moments of feeling sick it is pretty much gone.

Belly Bump: My stomach is definitely getting big faster this time around! And due to that, I've had more back and ligament pain that before, but not really anything too bad yet. I know the picture above doesn't look like much of a difference but I can tell a big difference in the thickness of my waist, the spread of my hips, and the size of my stomach compared to last time. I've already gained 15 pounds so far (I only gained 25 with E the whole pregnancy) and I am always worried I'm gaining weight too fast, but so far the Dr. has said I'm on track for a twin pregnancy (she said should gain somewhere around 35 pounds).

Thoughts and Emotions: I am definitely more emotional this pregnancy. I know there are a lot of extra hormones floating around in my body right now so that explains a lot. I also think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am adjusting to the change headed our way and dealing with a sweet, loving, but sometimes cranky almost 2 year old. Plus being pregnant and preparing for these babies makes me reminisce about how little E was and how fast she is growing and learning new things.

David is adjusting well to the idea of twins. He is such a planner and go getter that he was already talking about what we needed to buy/get rid of/ move around to fit these babies into our house the very same day we found out we were having twins! He has said that it still seems surreal that in a few months we will have 2 more babies here. On a side note, if he keeps calling me Big Mama or asks me again if the furniture is creaking when I sit down (he isn't being mean, he likes to joke) then he may spend the rest of this pregnancy on the couch ;-)

E's view of the pregnancy: E knows that there are babies in my stomach, but that is about all she understands right now. Some days she doesn't say anything about it and some days she wants to lift my shirt to talk to the babies multiple times(sometimes she tries to in public lol). She is such a sweet little girl and has done so many cute things lately but I'll just mention my 2 favorite so far:

1. the other night I had stickers out for her to play with and she insisted on putting some on my stomach "for babies" as she said. She had the best time sticking them to my belly and saying "share" to tell me she was sharing with them.

2. My back is usually sore by the end of the day lifting her, but the other day it was extra sore and so I told her Daddy would have to lift her in and out of the car because momma's back hurt. The rest of the night she kept talking about how my back hurt and then she would hug, kiss, and pat my back. It really was the sweetest thing! I know she is going to be such a great big sister to these boys and a big help to her momma.

Well there you go! We are slowly adjusting and preparing for these twins and we are very excited about the adventure ahead for our little, soon to be much bigger, family!

5K

      "Is this your first ultrasound? Well then I have a surprise for you!" These words from my ultrasound technician were not what I was expecting in the least and will forever be the beginning of the story of the twins.

     I still have a hard time believing our family is going from a family of 3 to 5 in a matter of a few months. My husband came up with the nickname 5K for our family. I liked the name for many reasons, but one being one of the last big things I did before getting pregnant with Emery was run my first 5k race with Special Kids. I'm not an avid runner, so training for a 5k was difficult for me and I spent many runs wondering how I was ever going to build up enough endurance to do a whole 5k (for you avid runners, I know this sounds silly, but for a girl who could barely run a mile it seemed like a lot at the time). One thing that doing a 5k taught me is that I could do more and push myself further than I thought I could go. That is what this miracle of having twins feels like right now. Like I'm being pushed beyond my limits. What if I can't handle 3 kids 2 and under? What if I'm not a good enough mommy? How will this change things financially with me being a SAHM?

     Luckily, I have a wonderful husband and a few good friends and family members who support me. They remind me how strong I am. They remind me that God gave us these precious children for a reason and that He knows that I will be the best mommy for them. And when I feel completely scared and overwhelmed they remind me that God never gives us more than we can handle. So in the end, I know that I will step up to the challenge and discover that the limits I thought I had were only fears that held me back.