Birth Day Story:
I wrote this down 2 weeks ago but I have been hesitant to share it. It isn't a "fun" birth story so I wasn't really sure I wanted to show it to the world or not. But whether it is a fun and happy birth story it is Brayden and Nolan's birth story and just the fact that they were born and are now healthy and thriving babies makes everything worth it and makes it a happy story for me. So here you go...
I hit 35 weeks on Friday, April 29th. I had been very uncomfortable for the past week or two (like sleeping on the recliner and feeling like my ribs and back might break from it all uncomfortable). Everyone kept telling me that I could have them any day, which was somewhat annoying to me because 1) I was uncomfortable and felt like they were never going to be born, 2)because I wanted them to grow longer to get bigger/healthier and 3)because I didn't feel ready to be a momma to 3 littles ones 2 and under yet (don't worry if you said it I'm not mad, it was just pregnancy hormones). I had been having Braxton Hicks and real contractions on and off for over a week, but nothing that didn't stop within an hour or two and some rest and water.
On Saturday morning we went over the David's parents house to let Emery play and for lunch. My MIL fixed us a nice lunch of chili and toast and fresh squeezed juice. I noticed I wasn't super hungry, which wasn't usually the case, but I figured my stomach had just run out of room. While at their house I noticed one or two contractions, nothing super strong, but they were uncomfortable. On the way home I mentioned them to David and told him I was going to lay down and drink some water at home. The drive from their house to ours is about 30 to 40 minutes. While in the car I started having more and more contractions. By the time we were halfway home I timed them and they were every 7 minutes. My dr had told me not to come in unless they were every 5 to 10 minutes for over an hour and so I wasn't overly concerned but told David I would finish packing my bag when I got home to be safe.
As we turned onto the road in front of our neighborhood I felt one of the babies move and as he moved I had the most intense pain I have ever had in my life in my side and back. The pain was so bad that I immediately turned clammy and felt like I might black out. I turned the the AC on full blast and I thought it could just be a really bad contraction but then the pain never went away. I told David we needed to go on to the hospital because my Dr had mentioned that with twins I was at a higher risk of a ruptured uterus or a placenta tear. Poor Emery was in the car with us so I spent the rest of the ride trying not to show that I was in pain and telling her how much I loved her and that I thought her brothers were going to come meet her soon. I don't remember much of the rest of drive to the hospital except that David got us there very fast!
At the hospital they got me checked in and hooked me up to the monitors. The first thing we checked was if the boys were in distress and they weren't so I calmed down a little bit at that point. The nurses checked to see how much I was dialated and I was at a 2. The nurses were very concerned about my back/side pain and they had an ultrasound done. The Dr didn't see any tears in the placenta or the uterus (Praise the Lord!) but did see that both of the boys were breech with their heads together on that side. His best guess with my symptoms and location of pain was that the boys were cutting off the blood supply to my right kidney. My contractions were coming very steady, strong, and closer together and the Dr was on her way so we had a little bit of wait time. My sister went to my house to pack my hospital bag and my mom came to check on me. I don't remember how long it was exactly but I believe it was close to 3 hours I was in the labor and delivery room. During that time I kept having contractions every 3 to 4 minutes and was in really bad pain, mostly in my back and side. The weird thing is that the pain in my back and side was so bad it took my mind off of the contractions. Poor David had to spend almost an hour holding pressure on my back and side to help it feel a little better.
My Dr was not on call but Dr McGowen from our office was and she came in. She checked my cervix and it was very thin and dialted to a 4. After seeing my pain and the contractions and doing another ultrasound to double check that there wasn't a more serious problem she told me that we needed to do a csection. From there, things went very quickly. I got antibiotics and prepped for surgery. I met with the anesthesiologist who helped put my mind more at ease and we joked around about my chili lunch and that he would probably end up seeing it on the operating table (which he didn't because he loaded me up with different nausea meds). I was taken to the OR room met some of the other nurses and drs present (there were probably about 10 people in there in all) and prepped while David waited outside. The spinal was put in and for the first time in the last 4 hours my side finally stopped hurting. David was brought in and they started very quickly. I heard her break the water of the first baby and they told David he could stand up and look at him. They took Nolan over to his nurses and incubators and they started trying to get to Brayden who was way up in my rib cage (his favorite hang out spot for the past few weeks). I heard them break the water for Brayden and the dr told me he was still sound asleep and then he was taken over to his nurse team. Both babies scored very low on their APGAR tests (I believe they both scored a 1 then a 4). Nolan was wheeled by me for a split second and then David went with him to the NICU. The only glimpse of Brayden I got to see was him being wheeled out with a nurse giving him oxygen. He wasn't breathing on his own and had to go straight to the NICU to be put on a ventilator. I was worried but apparently the medicine the anesthesiologist gave me made me very relaxed and sleepy because I felt upset and worried but also weirdly calm until the medicine wore off.
I was taken to a recovery room and then later my regular hospital room. I kept asking to see Nolan and Brayden but had to wait until my anesthesia wore off and I could stand on my own. So at 11:30 that night I finally got to go down to the NICU and see both of them. They were so little and had wires and lights and tubes everywhere. It was so hard to see my babies like that. Brayden was on a ventilator and Nolan on a CPAP machine, but the doctors felt like overall they were doing well and that they just needed help breathing for now.
It is amazing to me how the second you see your baby a fierce love grows. It catches me unexpectedly every time. With Emery it was the moment they laid her on my stomach and I said her name and she looked at me with her big blue eyes. With the boys it was the first time I got to lay eyes on them, their eyes closed and getting help breathing, but that love still grew. While pregnant I seriously wondered how I would ever love any other child (or children in this case) as much as I loved her. I wondered if my love for her would have to diminish in order to love the boys. Or would my love for them be less because so much of my heart was Emery's. God has designed us mothers in an amazing way though. It is like a new part of our heart grows for each child. Seeing them my heart grew and leaving them down in the NICU while I had to return to my room my heart hurt.
Brayden and Nolan's birth story is nothing like I had planned. When imagining how I wanted the day to go I had hoped it would be somewhat close to Emery's story. Easy. Exciting in a good way. Ending in baby snuggles and taking home my babies when I left. I struggle with the fact that their story is so hard and scary. But I have decided that I will try to make my memories be of the good moments. The first time I got to see my babies. The first time I held Nolan. The first time I got to feed them a bottle of pumped milk and change their diapers. Holding Brayden and Nolan together for the first time on Mother's Day. How much we celebrated each small step forward and prayed hard on each step back. How kind and thoughtful and helpful our nurses and friends/family have been. And in the end I got to bring home my healthy babies and God used this experience to teach me many lessons about love and surrendering to His plan, even when it is much different than my own.
