Having a baby in the NICU has opened my eyes to a brand new world. A world of lights, tubes, procedures and medical terms no new mom should ever have to know. N and B were in the NICU 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks were some of the longest of my life. And we were very lucky that they didn't have to stay longer. Many babies are in the NICU for much longer depending on how early they were born.
After N and B were born and taken to the NICU I didn't get to see them until 11:30 that night. I asked multiple times when I could go, but the rules are that you have to be able to stand so that you can get into the wheelchair. Waiting for my anesthesia to wear off seemed like an eternity. I would sit and try with all my might to get my toes to move only to not be able to. It took 8 hours to regain control of my feet and legs. The nurse had me stand and get in the wheelchair. I had just had a csection and standing felt like my insides might fall out but the thought of seeing my babies motivated me through the pain. We got to the NICU and washed up (a 2 minutes process) and then the Dr came and met with us. She was very personable and gave us lots of details about what was going on and answered our questions and concerns. It was so hard seeing my babies in there. Hooked up to tubes and ventilators and having IVS coming out of their arms and belly buttons. I was allowed to touch them, but couldn't hold them due to all of the breathing equipment.
The next few days at the hospital were spent going down to see B and N during their touch times(times you can come and help with things like changing diapers, taking temperatures, and feeding them if they are taking bottles) and trying to recover and rest in our hospital room. E came and visited us every day. She was so concerned about me and about the boys. It was hard seeing her so upset that we were in the hospital but she did enjoy the flowers and balloons that she got from her brothers as well as a present that we gave to her from her brothers.
Three days in the hospital and they started talking about discharging us. By us I mean me and David. The boys would have to stay. Leaving the hospital while they were still in there, so fragile and small, was so hard. I know that the nurses thought I was crazy because from the moment they told me I had to leave I think I cried every 5 minutes for the whole day. On our way out I couldn't do anything but swallow away the tears the best I could and know that this was the best place for them for now. It is incredibly hard leaving the hospital without your babies. Not only do you not want to, but as you leave and visit each day you see families smiling and taking their babies home, which is the second most thing you want in the world (the first thing being healthy babies).
David got a week off of work so we went up to the hospital every day to visit and once he returned to work I was blessed with lots of family and friends who would pick me and up drive me to the hospital. At our hospital the NICU is at the end of the hall past the nursery. I always dreaded walking past the nursery. I know it seems like a silly thing, but I would always have to take deep breaths and will myself to hurry past. It is hard seeing healthy babies with smiling families looking in the nursery when your babies are struggling to breath on their own right down the hall.
Slowly, but surely N and B began breathing better and eventually began breathing on their own. The dr told us next we had to work on getting them eating. When N and B were first born B was on a ventilator and having a much harder time than N. So I thought that N would come home first. But N decided he would be the difficult one on eating and they both timed it just right so that they got to come home together. The nurses joked that they thought they were purposefully trying to go home together because one would struggle one day and then the next one the other one would struggle. I was so thankful for that because I really didn't know how I was going to manage a 2 year old and new born at home with daily hospital visits to see the other baby. God worked it out though.
When you leave the hospital with a baby that had no complications you just put your baby in a car seat and leave. Leaving with NICU babies are a whole other game. Before they could leave they had to eat a certain amount within a certain amount of time, had to maintain breathing levels, had to sit for 30 minutes in their car seat while maintaining breathing levels, have their bloodwork checked, keep their diaper numbers up (which are not only counted but weighed), and me and David had to take a CPR class and go show a nurse that we knew how to perform it. But the boys (and me and David) all passed our tests with flying colors. Well, except me, I did struggle with the CPR test. I did great at home and I spent a ton of time practicing, but doing it in front of a nurse I felt a lot of pressure because I wanted to be able to take my boys home, plus the reality of the fact that I had to even take a CPR test to bring them home made me super emotional. But I did pass it after I finally calmed down.
The night before we took the boys home we did something called a "room in". We went to the hospital and for the first time got to roll our boys out of the NICU and to a room for us all to stay together for the night. They sprung the fact that we would be able to do a room in literally the day we could do it. David had work that day so I got everything ready for my parents and sister to stay the night with Em and I packed up everything for me, David, and the boys in case we got to bring them home. We stayed the night and a nurse came to check on the boys throughout the night. In the middle of the night they took them to do a check up with the dr. They did great so they told us that the next day we could go home after the NICU dr discharged them. The dr met with them that afternoon and we finally got to take our boys home. As we left the NICU our nurses and drs all congratulated us and I hugged their necks thanking them for taking care of my precious babies so well.
Walking out of the NICU and outside of the hospital was such a happy feeling but also terrifying. The DRs had warned us that if they got sick they would end up back in the NICU and that coupled with mandatory CPR class had me a nervous wreck. I'm not going to lie, having babies in the NICU was so hard and emotional and I still get emotional just thinking about it. Unless you've ever had a baby in the NICU I just don't think it is possible to understand what it is like. I know I didn't prior to this. But I know that God had us experience this for a reason and I am so thankful that my boys are home and healthy.
